Perfectionism & self-criticism
In my practice, I often work with people who are struggling with high self-standards around their work and/or home life. Although having ambition and high standards can drive success, for many people, this can become a regular inner critic and lead to feelings of disappointment, anxiety, frustration, and self-doubt.
What is perfectionism?
Those who struggle with perfectionism often set high self-standards. When these standards are not always met, they can feel dissatisfaction and shame. They may worry about making mistakes, fear perceived judgement from others, or avoid situations altogether. This can fuel the inner critic - the inner dialogue that judges our actions, undermines our confidence and fuels feelings of inadequacy.
How therapy can help with perfectionism and self-criticism
Psychological therapy can provide support for people struggling with high self-standards and self-criticism. Therapy can help you understand where these patterns come from and support you to develop a healthier, more compassionate relationship with yourself. Two approaches I often draw on are Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT).
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
When we try to control or avoid certain thoughts of feelings, they can dictate our behaviour and move us away from the life we want to live. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) focuses on helping you to accept your thoughts and feelings rather than struggling to control or avoid them. This can be incredibly useful for people who tend to push away feelings of inadequacy or anxiety. ACT aims to help you to do what matters to you in life, despite the presence of uncomfortable thoughts and emotions.
ACT can help you:
Break free from trying to keep emotions and thoughts under ‘control’: Instead of avoiding discomfort, you can learn skills to make room for difficult and uncomfortable emotions.
Explore your values: explore and pursue your values despite your fears or self-doubt. By clarifying what is important to you in life, you can direct your energy toward actions that truly matter to you, rather than striving for perfection in every area of life.
Embrace imperfection: ACT takes the stance that imperfections are part of being human.
Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT)
Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) focuses on developing a kinder relationship with yourself, especially in the face of personal difficulties.
Some key components of CFT include:
Building a compassionate mindset: CFT helps you develop the ability to recognise your inner critic and replace those thoughts with kinder, more supportive dialogue - by treating yourself with the same empathy you would a close friend.
Understanding the origins of self-criticism: CFT helps you explore how your critical inner voice developed. This can often be in response to past experiences or societal pressures.
Mindfulness and self-soothing skills: CFT incorporates mindfulness practices and self-soothing exercises to help you calm your body and mind when self-criticism flares up.
How can clinical psychology help?
Clinical Psychologists are trained in multiple psychological therapies, and can therefore draw on models such as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and Compassion Focused Therapy, as well as other models like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). This means that therapy can be tailored specifically to you.
Although perfectionism and self-criticism can often feel all consuming, it does not have to control your life. By learning to accept yourself, embrace imperfection and develop self-compassion, you can start living a life that’s driven by your values. If you feel like you are in a battle with a harsh inner critic, therapy can be the first step in reclaiming your wellbeing.